Analogies….and a New York State of Mind

Enter the Building:

Have you ever opened up a door to a huge building, but haven’t fully stepped through and got in because there are another set of doors that you have to open somehow? I guess that’s what it’s like when you try to enter the Building of Life. Within the past month we finally had one door open to us….allowing us in, but keeping one foot out the door. It’s still pretty exciting, and yet we still have our feet hanging outside. We do know that we will be able to bring our feet inside soon, with confidence that our feet won’t get slammed in the process, as long as things go the way they are supposed to. At the same time, while experiencing this one entry in, we were also given the opportunity to another potential door of life…For the 3^rd time in our lives. The 3rd time’s a charm we had hoped… with cautious optimism of course. We were excited to be given this opportunity, and thankful that we had some news of opportunity to share with family and close friends during the Christmas season… we were truly hopeful. But we’ve kept mum about it, knowing our experiences in the past. Unfortunately, as we tried to enter this door of life again, it was still too heavy…and quite honestly….it slammed in our faces pretty hard this time around. I’m sure there was some sort of bull dozer on the other side of that door having it knock us down pretty good and fast the way it did. I am still figuring out how to stand up without looking like I would be ambulating with an antalgic gait. After it happened we immediately thought of the first door, and we needed to stand up quickly to keep our feet from getting lodged in the door jam. However, it still remains a challenge to stand up after getting beaten by that Heavy door. Sometimes all you have left is Time to heal those battered injuries. Sometimes we are forced to take a break and figure out how to spend that time to heal….especially when the door of reality hits your level of hope that dramatically…to the point where you are analyzing what happened and finding the reasons why at all aspects of reality and beyond…why have we failed this time. It’s been emotionally draining. Support and understanding from family and close friends have helped us. Unfortunate circumstances dealt by others beyond their control have humbled us…and remind us that what we are going through is pretty small potatoes in comparison.

A Jumpstart to Healing….to NYC and Philly

What we’ve been through in the last couple of weeks still was pretty devastating to us personally. There are so many perspectives you have to thumb through, especially when your hope is ripped away again. A dramatic trip to ease some of that pain…definitely doesn’t hurt the healing process. We are fortunate to have flying perks via Jason’s dads many diligent years serving as an airline mechanic. (Thanks Ray). I’m sure this quick trip wouldn’t have happened without his help, plus being upgraded to first was reassuring that the trip would be well worth every penny. In addition, our little one has no clue what’s been happening….too young to truly understand…and too young to need to understand….. yet, we are so grateful…..very grateful… for grandparents on both sides that love her so much to care for her when we, ourselves, are in need of help so desperately. The healing doesn’t start without the love of family and close friends. I’m also grateful to have my husband who ultimately has to be the strong one, despite the emotional affects that he too endures from our recent experience. He was the one to plan a quick trip for us to Heal. I wasn’t sure if I was physically and emotionally ready to take a sudden trip somewhere… knowing what responsibilities we have to leave at home etc…but as I sit here and collect my thoughts in our hotel, this has been a very well needed break for us to Breathe in some life. I want to document things down as I go before I forget any moments while we are on this trip. “Now we’re in New York….the streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you.” That’s for sure!

Friday NYC AM and PM in Philly:

We walked Times Square for the first time on Friday. One of the things I first observed was the old buildings and architecture. The one thing about NYC that you can first pick up on is that it’s a passionate city that New Yorkers care about. Streets are relatively clean (unlike Skid Row in LA), and there is always construction in trying to improve historic buildings. They don’t make buildings like they use to, with the attention to details. Real Masonry work and character is everywhere. From the Cathedrals to the brick buildings, and to the rotating doors that greet you. It’s an architectural Haven. Being a Food Network and Travel channel Junkie, New York is also the place to find the best yummy things in life. With that said, my first quest was to find a place that had CUPCAKES. We found a place called CRUMBS (http://www.crumbs.com/). I chose the “Squiggle” cupcake- A devils food cupcake with buttercream filling…reminiscent of the original “Hostess cupcake” but Gourmet of course. Jason had the Apple Tart cupcake. To accompany this gourmet breakfast of yumminess was a cup of peppermint hot cocoa. Yup…good morning so far, and enjoyed it with the frosty air at the park in front of the NYC public library…where there were pigeons that were puffed up and standing on one leg because the concrete was so cold. Steam rising from the manholes in the busy NYC streets dotted with yellow taxi’s. People dressed cozy with scarves, beanies, coats and mittens. Jason wearing his LAKER beanie in NYC of course. I loved every minute of that morning. Another stop we made was at the Giant Toys R Us store in Times Square (previously FAO Schwartz). Picked up a couple of souvenirs for our Little Emily…and we are so excited to share these things with her when we get home. A stuffed I love NYC kitty cat, a hand puppet that I envision using to help our moments tucking her in bed at night, and a Minnie Mouse NYC T-shirt.

PM in Philly:

One thing to keep us from entering the doldrums was to do something we enjoy. What is the one thing we enjoy? Watching the Lakers of course. We scored some nice seats at a game against the 76ers, just a short distance from where our beloved Lakers were sitting. On the train to Philly, I made some signs to give some props to our #24 and our local TV station…and excited to know that we had some air time…even if it’s just seconds. Kobe did acknowledge the personal sign we made for him (Beware of the Mamba…with a snake on it)….that was kinda cool. Jason pumpfisted Jordan Farmar, and chatted with some of our local TV personalities. The whole laker Bench smiled at our sign that said “ Missing our KCal sun to support our Lakers”. The day before it was 70 deg, and when we were in Philly it was like 15-20 degrees. It was definitely a sacrifice for our beloved Lakers. We also had time before the game to visit Pat’s original Philly Cheesesteak sandwich. Any foodie would need to stop by this place…nothing beats the original. (Seen on the Travel Channel) Apparently there is another place across the street called “Geno’s” that is suppose to be good too….but I wanted to go to Pat’s because it had a humble, no-nonsense building front. Geno’s had all the flair and Las Vegas style façade, that turned me off….if you have a good cheesesteak, they wouldn’t need all that pizzazz to sell their product.

Saturday in Time Square: A Foodie adventure, Rockefeller Center and Broadway

Junior’s Cheesecake (http://www.juniorscheesecake.com/). Another Foodie place if you want New York Cheesecake. Unfortunately, J wasn’t feeling really well when we got there, but we were determined to try their cheesecake! The place was so packed by the time we left the restaurant, but they had a bakery adjacent to the main diner, to buy the goods: A slice of Devils food cheesecake that I’ve drooled over watching on the food network was my goal. (Check!) It was a slice of chocolate heaven, with devils food cake topped with chocolate chips on top, and a smooth layer of buttery cheesecake on the bottom. Another slice of strawberry NY cheesecake for the hubby, with fresh glazed strawberries and the buttery cheesecake layered on the bottom. Jason opened his container and the strawberries smelled so heavenly. Juniors is definitely a place to try cheesecake when you are visiting NYC.

After some reprieve time at our hotel in mid-town Manhattan, we finally conjured up some energy to pick up some Broadway tickets (Show to be revealed below). Prior to the show we walked to the Rockefeller Center: Definitely a grandiose building and what I expected from watching from TV. The nice moment that we witnessed was a guy proposing on the ice to his Fiance. Ahh…amor is still in the air. Later we ate at Maxie’s Café before the show. It was okay…with huge portions. I don’t recommend it if you are a foodie….it wasn’t to my expectations…but it sustained us for the show I suppose. We had calamari (Van De Kamps quality) and an open faced brisket sandwich…that Jason and I shared. The portions were so huge, I was already full when they placed it on our table. Cost of the meal was overpriced for sure. We then adventured to see our Broadway Selection: West Side Story- A classic Sondheim musical I enjoyed learning and watching when I was studying humanities in High School. It parallels the great Shakespeare Tragedy: Romeo and Juliet. I never knew that someday I would be watching it live in the theater…In BROADWAY any less. It was playing in the historical PALACE theater (They say is Haunted by some Acrobat ghost who had fell to his death during a live performance….and by Judy Garland). Anyway…we had awesome box seats…just the two of us. It was a great perspective sitting there, the music was awesome, classic Sondheim. The performers were absolutely talented in every way. I felt old watching them…they have so much endurance, skill and coordination…and Great voices nonetheless. We ended the night with yummy desserts at the ESPN zone in Time Square. We shared a delicious Carrot Cake and a Skillet chocolate cookie sundae. Pure Bliss.

Sunday: Natural Art History Museum and Strolling Central Park

It was still a crisp morning and Jason and I decided to stop by a hole-in-the wall Café that was close to our hotel. It seemed to be a popular place for New Yorkers and understandably why. We had a comforting breakfast: omelettes, hash browns and fresh squeezed orange juice to start our day. Then we headed out for a Taxi Ride to the Natural History Museum in Central Park. I was excited for the trip after watching the Night at the Museum and was curious to see the Head of Easter Island that said “I want some gum-gum, dum-dum”.

Approaching the building was a magnificent site to see. The classic columns, the iconic statues that exude the very essence of Americana including A large bronzed statue of Theodore Roosevelt with it’s aged bluish patina. Enter in the rotating doors, you are greeted with a large replica of a Brontosaurus and some other mini-T-rex type of dinosaur. Many young families with children of all ages and all ethnicities were exuding excitement for learning. We forged through the gigantic museum, viewing various representations of the animals that populate the world, animals from Africa, cultures from Asia and Polynesia. We ended our tour on the 4^th floor- Dinosaurs. It was absolutely amazing to see the magnitude of these fossils. I couldn’t believe my eyes. From the T-rex, Fossilized Turtles and sharks, to the Brontosaurus on a grand scale. It’s amazing that these animals were once on this earth. After a couple of hours we headed to Central Park and decided to take a stroll before we headed back to our hotel to watch the Laker Game. It was beautiful, energizing and refreshing. The views of the frozen lakes, the charm of the bridges and the outline of the buildings that surrounded the park was such to admire. Holding hands with my husband, reflecting on life and the blessings of the experiences we have shared, including those I truly want to forget and still trying to forget….I’m so grateful for my eternal companion. We have been together for nearly 15 years (dating and marriage). That is one of the best gifts to reflect on, to know that I have him by my side, even through the hardest times…because we are enduring it together and will forever. As we headed to our hotel, we had to stop by to try the cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery (http://www.magnoliabakery.com/) Apparently this bakery was made infamous from a show on HBO called “Sex in the City” (Never watched it in my life!) The cupcakes were much more petite that compared to CRUMBS, the cake was a little drier. Frosting was light and not too sweet, which made up for the dryness. We had a variety of flavors to try including red velvet, chocolate and vanilla varieties. We headed to our hotel room and I was so exhausted, that I was barely awake to consume the personal NY pizza as well as to watch the all important Boston-Laker game. I’m so glad they won. We ended our final night, taking in the beauty of Time Square in all it’s glory, and had a fabulous dinner, and one of the best BBQ dinners called Virgils (http://www.virgilsbbq.com/) , close to our hotel. BBQ in NYC…go figure! I had a BBQ salad, and one of the best brisket I’ve tasted. (We have visited BBQ in Texas…it’s pretty comparable!) Jason had some ribs, and enjoyed that too. We fell asleep, watching to a surprise airing of “West Side Story”. It was a nice end, to our final night in NYC.

A time well spent and Facing Reality:

I wish this trip would have last awhile, until the pain stops. Reality doesn’t always work that way. Albeit short, this trip was a breath of fresh air. It was good time that took some of that awful emotional and physical pain Jason and I had endured a couple of weeks ago. It’s not something to take lightly, we are still grieving. Now that we are home, it’s now hitting me of what the next step is. I’m unsure of when I will be able to stand fully upright again (I can’t stand tall since I’m only 5 ft 2 in anyway), I feel I have some responsibility to force myself to get up off my feet…at least for my immediate family that I care about, including our future adoptive daughter. I’m grateful to be reminded of how wonderful my husband, family and friends are during times of personal strife. I can reassure myself and others I do still have faith deep inside somewhere, although it feels it’s been stripped to a seed, where I envisioned it previously to be a stronger plant of hope. But knowing it has been uprooted again for the 3^rd time has been difficult, and I know I need time to nourish it again…at my own pace. I don’t want to be over-watered. I just need time and understanding.