Not Over...but getting Through

So for those very few people out in cyberspace who stumble upon this blog including the people from Moscow (whoever you are.....) and haven't read previous entries, let me give a quick review of what has happened in the last month so you don't have to strain your eyes since they were long entries. "Last time on the J and K Wach Family Blog... Jason & Kim became prospective adoptive parents to Emily when rights were terminated on Jan 12th. (Yay!) 60 day contesting period begins, but J&K are hopeful with estimating if things go well, adoption will be under way by late April at the earliest. However, just a week later after rights were terminated...something else was terminated as well: J&K also lost a potential "sibling" for Emily...3rd loss (yes the big M word) since we've been married. We are now under the special category of "Recurrent pregnancy loss". (Booooooooo!)

Now that I've scraped myself off the floor with the help of family and friends since we had our last miscarriage....yes it was unfortunate, devastating, emotionally trying....but as I reflect on the blessings and angels on this earth who have offered up support and understanding along with compassion (you know who you are!)....You are a part of my healing. I thank you for that. In addition, the education and forums of those who have experienced what both Jason and I are now facing has helped (infertility community). I realize I shouldn't be ashamed that we are enduring trials like this. I shouldn't be ashamed of the grief that we endure....it's a natural process as human beings. Reality as it is.....and it's poignant for those who have experienced miscarriages....It's something that you can't ever forget or get over. It's getting THROUGH IT. I'm GETTING THROUGH...believe me....I am. I honestly don't like going through this and it can be difficult.... My sentiments change from time to time....I feel strong and ready to face what I need to face. Then I still feel vulnerable at times when I least expect it. I feel angry when I read headlines like: the Pregnant Man getting pregnant for the 3rd time.....

SERIOUSLY......? (Yah I know he was a she before...but still!)

or the mere fact that I know that there are women and teenagers giving birth to babies that they don't want or are too drugged out to care.

With each passing day... I am standing a little taller (5 ft 2 max) , with the awareness that I will be sensitive at times...but that's because of what we have lost and dealing with infertility.....and I'm human. I'm not perfect. If my struggles can turn into something that can help others become more understanding to what infertility is about or about dealing with miscarriages..... I know people don't know how to approach it...but if people are more educated in all aspects including the emotional side of it....maybe people won't feel so uncomfortable talking about it. (i don't wish it upon anyone of course)...if it helps for people to realize they should hold their own children a little tighter and be grateful that they can bear children naturally....I don't mind one bit of sharing our personal struggle.

Jason and I are grateful to be parents to our Emily and are looking forward to the official day of adoption. After this happens, we will continue to move forward and pursue answers when we are ready.