Poinsettia Thief

Dear Lady who STOLE  my pretty poinsettia plant last night-

First of all....If I had purchased this plant, I wouldn't be taking the time to exploit your version of some random act of "kindness".  However, this plant was a personal gift to me, that I decided to place in a special place.... next to our pretty Nativity Set in our Front Yard.  Thank Goodness I have Baby Jesus Hiding from YOU..... for who knows what you would have done with him.

Second of All- I'm sure there must have been SOME dire urgency for you to just kidnap my pretty poinsettia plant at 1:30 in the morning....and if I had known you couldn't afford such a nice plant as my red poinsettia  (You know...They are just so RARE this holiday season), you probably can't afford to eat or something...I would have left you some cookies and milk for you.  OH WAIT....You're NOTSANTA.

Third- Speaking of Santa-  You DIDN'T make his list this year


Fourth- SMILE- You were caught on our security camera.:

Fifth-Most of All Dear Lady Thief of the Night- I have to admit that You actually brought laughter to my day.  Of ALL things, at least you left our pretty Nativity Set intact, and my pretty little ceramic pot/container. Why you needed to have my pretty plant in the dark of night is a mystery to me....maybe your grandma is sad and you wanted to cheer her up....or maybe she was sick and you wanted to use it for medicinal purposes. But the only evidence or reasoning I have to assume is that you just plain STOLE MY Poinsettia!!!  Whatever your reason may be...I hope you have a HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS...with the joy and satisfaction that you took something that is NOT YOURS.

P.S.-There are still good people in this world, and through kindness and charity, my Poinsettia Plant was replaced this morning by one of my awesome patients who I worked with this morning. So in the battle of Good vs Evil- GOOD WON!!!

Beary Funny-NOT



WARNING SIGN AT BOGART PARK CAMPGROUND



Well, the first thing that's disturbing about this sign is that they look like they spelled Disturb as DISTURD....but...still, what was alarming is that I read the word BEAR at the end of the sentence.  BEAR...hmmmmm......

That.....

is.....

not....

              good......................

(I thought to myself).  Plus the welcome view of a bobcat with a fresh rabbit kill in it's mouth seemed like a good premonition that...this wasn't going to be any ordinary camping trip that I'm used to experiencing.  ANYWAY...quite honestly.... I wasn't too thrilled to go camping this time around because I was concerned about Emily ..... since she just came down with an ear infection and chest cold....but at the same time, I empathized with my hubby because he has worked so hard the last several months.....and I know my husband just needed a break- he loves camping...and has been looking forward to this trip for a few weeks.  Camping is in his blood...he's an Eagle Scout...and I grew up enjoying the smells of a campfire....it was fun.  Emily was on antiobiotics and she appeared to be feeling chipper apparently...so I left the decision for Jason to pack for camping while I went to work Friday Morning.  To my surprise, he installed a new Bike Trailer mount for my SUV...and things were already packed and ready to go.  YAY.   Tired from waking up at 5:00 in the morning that day....I was a little bummed that this was the decision.  I did make it clear I wasn't very THRILLED with the idea of roughing it....but my good wife side thought about my hubby's excitement...and he did take time off for this as well as reserved our camping spot for 2 nights. Jason reassured me that the place we were camping wasn't going to be FREEZING....and Emily should be ok...especially with antibiotics.  Plus Jason's parents were coming to join us through the evening (they WEREN'T going to spend the night...."those Lucky Ducks" I thought to myself...Lol) and my father in law, with his previous scouting experience, was in charge of making a Dutch oven meal...so I was excited about that.  
We had dinner, a yummy chocolate/cherry/walnut cake, corn on the cob that night.  We made sure that the food scraps were taken FAR AWAY from our camp.....you know, "JUST IN CASE".  What was a little concerning in my mind....is that these trash cans didn't have lids on them....AND....we were practically the only ones camping other than another family on the other side of the campground.  We made sure all the food was put away in the car, and that we didn't have food in our tent etc. for preventative measures of course.

   

2:15 a.m.

We could hear something rummaging through a garbage can in the distance of our camp. 

Me: "WHAT was that??????" 

Jason the eagle scout took out the flashlight and looked out of the window of our tent.  "Let me see.......UM........yeah."  

"WELLL?????" I muttered?  "WHAT IS IT?????"......   

Jason:  "It's a BEAR".

Me: " WHAT??????  ARE YOU SERIOUS?????"

Jason: "UH YEAH......Grab Emily and Get to the Car"

Me:  "ARE  YOU SERIOUS???!?!?!?!"

Jason:  "HE IS COMING TOWARD OUR CAMP......GET EMILY AND GET TO THE CAR."

At this point I'm panicking....I stand up thinking...Great I don't have my shoes on...I need to make sure when I grab Emily that I get her favorite stuffed animal Jake since I know she will be upset if we left him in the tent for the BEAR. 

Jason:  GET THE KEYS....GET THE KEYS-

Me:  "I CAN'T FIND THE KEYS!!!!" frantically spinning around the tent in circles with a half sleeping/ whimpering, 43 lb child under my left arm covered in a blanket.

At this point, Jason got the keys....he urged me to get to the car.  I felt like I was running like some tribal woman with my bare feet, feeling the dirt and gravel between my toes and completely ignoring the fact that I had seen a huge trail of ants earlier that evening.  My instinct was to get EMILY IN THE CAR AND TO GET MYSELF INTO THE CAR....and PRAY REALLY HARD that JASON Makes it in the CAR safely. 



2:30 a.m....

Jason didn't realize that when I got in the driver side of the car, I had climbed over thinking he would also get in the driver's side.  I mean...he's the man, he should be in the drivers seat right?  I thought I was being thoughtful...but he ran to the passenger side...and Saw me sitting there (DOH!)....and I probably reduced his chance for survival slightly doing this because it made him stay outside the car longer and forced him to run around back to the drivers side of the car.  In the car we were safe.  In my mind I'm delirious.  I had my Motorola Tablet with me...so first thing I think of is to POST something on facebook....HA HA...you know, just in case ANYTHING happens, people would know. Just in case there was Breaking NEWS early in the morning to find some Family had been attacked by a Bear.   I was freaking out....and we took a glimpse of the bear.  THE BEAR WAS H-U-G-E....it wasn't some cute little bear cub....It was like

 Jabba the Bear....probably 300 lbs.  IT LOOKED LIKE THIS:

http://www.bearsforever.org/Black_Bears.php?cat=2

This bear...was ambulating along, scouring for food of course.  The next thought the comes to my mind. " I gotta go to the potty".  I wasn't about to get out of the car to go....I wanted to make sure this BEAR was nowhere in sight.  The bear decides to go toward the BATHROOM of course.  I'm like, I can't imagine if I was by myself, going pee....this Bear is half-way through, peeking inside the bathroom.  I was on mandatory training to hold my bladder.  I'm like....I WANT TO GO HOME.  WE ARE PACKING THE TENT AND LEAVING.  I started complaining that I needed to go potty, and I wasn't about to exit the vehicle concerned that the Bear was out there......

Jason said it should be ok since it was like an hour later...and I'm like

 "UM NO-...I'm not going!!!.....Kim vs BEAR?  Are you kidding?   BEAR WINS!!!!" 

 then I muttered "Emily could have been the Bear's little tasty morsel....I'm the appetizer...and Jason...YOU ARE THE MAIN COURSE!!!!"

Jason was just laughing at the whole situation and saying "WE ARE CREATING FAMILY MEMORIES"

So after we waited and felt it was safe to get outside the car....Jason and I took down the tent that we had just put up hours before.  We packed our things...and came home around 7:30 in the morning.

ANYWAY......YEAH.  WELL. Although this had been one of the scariest moments of my life , I guess it still couldn't compare to the drive by shooting that happened next door to us when we were renting a home in Pasadena.  I am grateful that Jason did STEP UP  and PROTECTED US FROM THE 300 lb WILD BEAR by throwing rocks at it (Probably "pebbles" to the Bear's point of view)...The bear did gallop a little away from the camp, then it slowly traversed up the grassy hill like it ain't no big thing like a chicken wing. 

I'm proud to say that I'm a CHICKEN when it comes to WILD BEARS.  I wouldn't want to battle it out with it.  I'm grateful I ran track in field in my early years because It had been awhile since I sprinted so fast.

Tired.................Exhausted...................WE ARE SAFE IN OUR HOME.

That was our weekend.....How was yours? LOL

Service

“Those who live only for themselves eventually shrivel up and figuratively lose their lives, while those who lose themselves in service to others grow and flourish—and in effect save their lives,“ - President Monson.

So grateful for my husband and the example he is to me, his thoughtful demeanor and his humility has definitely impacted my life since I met him.  He is the most unselfish person I know, yet I don't know how he juggles his time with work, his commute, his other side-jobs and duties at home and church.  He emulates Christlike service and I must admit sometimes I'm guilty of being selfish of his time.  But I know with all my heart, that my admiration for him grows for his willingness to serve.  He is patient, kind, and again the most self-less person, and I'm excited that he will be able to serve alongside great men. Love you Jason...with all my heart.

This Infertility Chapter is Closed.

Today, Jason and I found out that our last and final attempt for IVF failed.  After 2 IVF rounds and 2 Frozen embryo transfers including 3 miscarriages, 2 laparoscopies and other fun diagnostic testing... our chapter on pursuing expansion of a natural family is now closed.   We are blessed to have our adopted daughter Emily to introduce us to parenthood, but we've shielded her from all the stress of this whole thing....and in general...We've kept mum about the whole situation because it is a very sensitive subject matter.  However...to be fair, I know I'm not alone in this Infertility world....and those who deal with the heartache of any infertility or recurrent miscarriages....it's not easy and hopefully I can share some words of comfort for those who are having difficulty finding closure.  There is a sense of mourning that part of you doesn't work, especially with the pressures of the "expected" natural milestones of mortal life: Being born, getting married, having kids etc etc.  Can you imagine with me the difficulty of wanting something that you think is good.....and not having the choice to be able to? Or when people say...no worries....you'll have children someday.  It's not that easy when you have a condition that prevents that.  It's easy to question ourselves and for our faith to be challenged.  Infertility for me is a trial/challenge that literally wasn't in our control.  It wasn't a choice for me to have severe endometriosis...it's intermittently and painfully debilitating at times to the point physical function is impaired. I've dealt with it since I was really young...it just is what it is. The past 6 1/2 years of my life have been one of the toughest, but I want to share some thoughts in the matter because I don't want people misconceiving that the ability of having biological children is based on the merits of faith...and the whole replenishing the earth deal....I've recently realized that there is a bigger picture.  We are all children of Heavenly Father.....biological or not...that said,  the reason why we are here is to do good works, to emulate our Savior Jesus Christ....we need to replenish Heavenly Father's children on this earth...and there are so many ways to do that....not just from bearing one's own children.  We could teach, live by example, extend our hands to those who need help or those who have lost their way in life.  No matter what...although today was a difficult day for me... I knew it was coming....yet I'm excited to have closure and to be able to say that We've done all we could do. I'm grateful to have worked with a compassionate doctor who I believe has given hope and miracles to many dealing with infertility issues....I have no regrets for trying.   I'm grateful for my daughter Emily and the joy and lessons she teaches me on parenthood.  I think sometimes she is too smart for her own good...and that maybe that her age of accountability should be reduced to 3 years old..lol.  I hope those who are just starting on their difficult journey recieves the comfort in their endeavors, whether it be through adoption, the miracles of having your own children, or acceptance and loving what you have been blessed with. These challenges hopefully can make us stronger.

Conference and Comfort

Jason and I were priviledged to be able to take a chance to experience General Conference, a semi-annual gathering that's held by the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to inspire and guide us in these modern times that we live in. These are tough times...and honestly, the times are a little slack in my mind....especially now that I'm a mom to a special spirit. It's been a tough  year for me as I reflect on it....with many transitions good and sad...and downright difficult. I needed some comfort beyond the literal sense of just living this mundane life. 


Jason and I in front of the Salt Lake City Temple after Conference


I especially was thinking about my Dad so much.  There are times where I just miss him, and think about his passing just several months ago.  I know he is okay....and the reassurance from Conference gives me confidence that he is doing just dandy.  Death...it's just a part of life.  There is such a sad/negative connotation to it....but It's just a transition. It's just the unknown of when it will happen that worries us....plus the physical symptoms we may face....but to know...that it's just that....a transition...... to our next journey brings so much comfort.  I remember my brother and mom mentioning that my Dad had described to them the most heavenly sounds of a choir during a time when he was hospitalized 3 years ago....near death.  After going to conference and listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir...the experience was Heavenly to me.......and I can only imagine that's just a taste of what my dad has been able to listen to.

Another thing I look forward to getting inspired is to improve my newly acquired role as a mother...to a very strong and special spirit.  It definitely has been quite a challenge for me...and I have so much respect for mothers who make it look so easy!  I think I'm hard on myself because sometimes I feel like I'm a failure at this big book of parenthood that's out there somewhere.  I just have to remember to behold my daughter....and to know where she truly has come from. Despite the buttons she can push....She is a blessing...and  I'm responsible to guide her to make right choices........This goal is eternal and constant.



Our Emily

 The other night, We as a family enjoyed a time in our backyard spa.....but I was again, having a momentary sadness reminiscing about how my dad...just years ago was dancing a jig on our pool's wall.  I knew I was going to start to cry ...but I was trying so hard to hold back my tears...that's when Jason looked at me......and he thought I was angry or something.  I was literally trying very hard to hold back tears that I probably looked mad....Then Jason said it's okay to cry......so finally I just let flood gates go.  Emily immediately reacted and said "Mommy...don't be sad.  Emily and Daddy...We will take care of you!"  I couldn't believe this 3 year old child........in an instant to provide so much comfort...reached her hand to wipe away my tears.  I gave her a big hug.  She has provided so much comfort....and she knows that I miss her Lolo (grandpa) very very much. She also has expressed that she misses him also.  She definitely has a purpose here...and sometimes I think it's not because she needs a mom.....but I need her.

Flower Girl

Well....Emily was privledged to be part of Tita Lyra and Uncle Dan's Wedding...and was asked to be their little flower girl for their wedding. Since it was a very special occasion, I even put lipstick on this 3 year old so it enhances her Princess entitlement.  HOWEVER-NO....she WILL NOT Be a Toddler and Tiara lil' chikadee!

Princess Emily

Finally I think at this point she throws 1-2 petals on the ground

  She definitely enjoyed every moment of the wedding...and danced her little princess heart out:

The Band quit before she did...Lol!  This little Girl partied all day and almost all night.  Hmmm...what does this tell me?



When it feels like it's NEVER Enough- PART 2...maybe 3+

It's amazing to witness the behavior of children...and to analyze whether or not they discern between right or wrong.  Sometimes maybe we have too many expectations...but boy, even if they are young, sometimes what they do really hurts!  For instance, some of you may know about that kitchen I put together after 4 hours of fine motor skilled labor...to find that she drew all over it with crayons. She knows to draw on paper...but i know she want's to get those creative juices flowing...and she is only 3...BUT....it wasn't easy for me to take in.  She doesn't care how much work I put in...she has no clue....i understand that.  HOWEVER...it's never too young to learn the lessons of appreciation right?  We took the kitchen away for more than a week.  She definitely missed it...and she promised to take care of it.  Hmmmm.....fine then.  After a week and 1/2, kitchen and crayons returned, but with reassurance that Emily knew where to draw on.  She replies, "On Paper!"

PART DEUX?-
Well...Emily has outgrown her toddler bed.  In comparison, she is probably as tall as any other 5 year old....however, the only difference is that she is only 3 years old.  I tend to forget that, and sometimes maybe treat her as if she is older....but always need to take a step back and say...she is only 3. (Terrible twos have nothing on 3's by the way)

We've decided to make her room from colors of neutrality, to making it a pretty...ALL OUT GIRLY....room.  We've invested in great quality quilt from PBKids and outfitted her room with pretty flower art and everything. I know I know...you think I've learned my lesson from getting a nice wooden kitchen, but I figure if I invested in something of pretty good quality that had 5 star online reviews....I don't have to worry about purchasing another one for a great while. The one good thing that I took pleasure in was shopping for all the coordinating items to make her room pretty for her.....at least that was fun.

So Daddy, Grandpa and Mommy had spent a lot of time today getting a new full sized mattress for her convertible crib (Love that we were able to convert it from Crib-Toddler Bed now to a FULL size bed) and spending all morning to make this room her own.  Daddy was so happy and excited to see his daughter peek at her new bed. At least she didn't say "What happend to my Bed? It's DIRTY!".  As she entered her room,  Emily did have a crayon in her hand...and Daddy of course reminded her gently that she has to keep the crayons in their designated spot...and of course when Daddy asked Emily where do you use Crayons? Emily replies without hesitation - ON PAPER! In a parents mind, one would hope that's enough to reassure you.  Especially with what happened with the whole graffiti on the wooden kitchen deal.....RIGHT?

After the big unveiling of her new room....We were suprised that she insisted she take a nap (That's a first and a red flag). After her normal downtime/Nap time, I went to check on her and to wake her up.  What did I find?  First, she took the pillowcases off the pillows and I find crayons in them.  So I called Daddy into the room...since he was the one who reminded her where Crayons go.  Just before Daddy walks in, I find that Emily had drawn all over herself....AND on her new quilt.
.  Before this stirs your heart into anger....First of all, I don't blame you.  Second of All, my admiration for any experienced parent and their acquired patience continues to grow. 3rd- It's still an unpleasant situation...but geez...our responsibility as a parent is to see how we can take such a moment and turn it into something she can learn from.   Luckily Smart mommies use washable crayons....but it really made me think.  Emily is not at that age to appreciate something nice as that quilt (Number 1 reasoning in my mind...THUS...I really have no problem storing this nice quilt until Emily is mature enough to appreciate it.)  I made Emily try to put the pillowcases back on....since she so easily took it off.  About a 1/2 hour into whining that "I can't do it"....I finally got her to try....and said  "This isn't easy is it?".  She said "It's Hard".  I said..."How do you think Mommy and Daddy feels after working so hard to put this bed together for you?"

Just trying to instill a little remorse in her.  AS we sojourn through this 1st Time parenting life....I gain appreciation for any experienced parent out there.   I've come to terms that It feels AWFUL thinking and feeling Angry....especially when they are at an age where it's normal for pushing boundaries.  In my opinion...It's an unfortunate NORMAL for toddlers.  (BOOOOO on the Unfortunate NORMAL!) I don't like the way it makes me feel sometimes....and I've definitely been tested in the last couple of weeks. What gets me motivated...is how these moments of defiance become a blank canvas of teaching for the good.  What choice would you make?
ADDENDUM as of 10 minutes ago:
Just found her using her markers on our couch/toss pillows.  Lucky me, they are the color wonder markers. Unfortunately for her, she has been banned indefinitely from using any writing devices except for her magna doodle.

When it feels like it's just never enough.

It's been quite a week for me last week, and I'm so glad it's the beginning of a new one. When you feel you are doing good things, sometimes the ugly can come creeping in and smack you down when you least expect it.  I'm not going to expound on exactly has happened to me last week...but I will give you a small taste of what capped off my lovely week of fun.  I unfortunately couldn't go to this awesomely planned party for my niece's daughter yesterday (Saturday), and was sidelined due to illness. (I am doing better though) Emily was looking forward to going...and I had gotten her dressed for the occassion and she has been babbling about the party the previous evening.  Unfortunately... I  relented to this sucky illness....and sent her off with Daddy so they can enjoy the family gathering down in Vista.  So what to do now?  I had planned on getting a new play kitchen for Emily for awhile...and she previously was given a white plastic play kitchen that was handed down from cousins which she used all the time (And were very grateful for).....but I was eyeing a new wooden red vintage kitchen for her awhile. Well...the package arrived Friday...all in pieces carefully packed in a box....and I knew it would take a few hours to assemble with both Jason and I.....but Time is so precious for my husband...that I wanted to take that responsibility off that list...... since he sacrificed his time to drive his daughter down to the party.  Well....I told myself...."wouldn't it be nice for Emily to come home surprised with a new kitchen in her room?"  I envisioned a girl happy with excitement.  I had motivated myself I wasn't a dummy, and could put this thing together....How hard could it be?  ....it wasn't difficult LOGICALLY...but Boy do they make the darn thing TEDIOUS!  At some point, I wish I could've just used my husbands Muscles...being sick and all...I could have used that extra bit of Help. ANYWAY...fast forward and

4 HOURS LATER

I didn't let that PLAY kitchen Beat Me. That Piece #37 which I had to install hinges myself slowed me down....in addition to the not-so-convenient LEGS of the kitchen...made me feel like I was killing my rotator cuff screwing them in!  Nonetheless-  I FINALLY FINISHED JUST IN TIME for Jason and Emily's arrival and with cousin Pamela in Tow...to witness this ultimate MOMENT I dreamed in my head earlier in the day.  I figured that the 4 hours I invested in hard FINE MOTOR SKILL LABOR would evolve into witnessing something MAGICAL for my daughter as she walks into her room to see her awesome RED VINTAGE KITCHEN. (Her previous kitchen was WHITE).  I mean Envision this with me:  This Gorgeous Retro Red Kitchen...to match her little pots and pans....(Can't  you sense the excitement?) A little girl walking in a room not knowing what's waiting for her.  I seriously couldn't wait for Emily's Expression...and  to see when she walks in her room to take her first glimps of this beauty I painstakingly put together............................

Are you Ready to see her Reaction?

Pause My Playlist on the side of my blog please:

and CHECK OUT THIS "MAGICAL" MOMENT:



A photo slideshow by Smilebox

SO YEAH......
It wasn't clearly the initial reaction that I wanted to see.  But she finally warmed up and realized...wow this isn't the "White" plastic kitchen she was used to having.  And to answer Daddy's question of if she wanted to go to Grandma's house....WITHOUT a MOMENT's HESITATION...she says "YES".  OH well. C'est La Vie.  It's a new day tomorrow.

Diet? What Diet?

I know I'm NEVER going to be the" skinny Kim" that first dated Jason many full moons ago.  It's never going to happen, my metabolism says so.  I need to accept my circumstances the way they are....but also recognize, that life can be better. So..to my 2 blog readers that are out there...since my last blog post I was suppose to be on my strict diet.  Yes....I too, have succumbed to the pressure of not following through and completing the course.  But you know what....IT's OK.  Obviously, I want to enjoy the tastes of what is offered to us without feeling so restricted.  I know the importance really is about portion control.  We are cursed with having so much abundance of food in this life...that we fail to recognize when to stop.  Yet.....I just couldn't deal with the strict diet again....I felt unhappy....and somehow, I felt I was ashamed of myself partly after the lofty number that occurred on the scale post holiday season.  Despite this number, it just wasn't enough motivation for me to suffer through this crazy diet again.

So what am I going to do now?

 I just want to focus on BALANCE: Balancing my diet with foods I enjoy to eat...and balancing that with a fun activity for my heart.  My diet is about compromise.  Just compromise...a little sacrifice on my part, something agreeable for the waistline, and permission to indulge sparingly.  We'll see what happens. Some thoughts that come to my mind that who knows, may actually make sense:

• Consider Compromise....throw away the "I can't" and focus on what you have the potential to do if you try. 
• Exercise is NOT EVIL!
• I WILL have chocolate and not feel guilty
• I WILL BE HEALTHY
• I LOVE my heart...do you love yours?

I'm definitely a slightly bigger version of myself 15 years ago, but it's ok....My hubby still digs me. ;)

You know when you've had too much Holiday Sweets...

When you are experiencing CARB withdrawals!!!  Last year, I previously went on a Diet that helped me reset my metabolism.  It worked really well......I lost close to 40 lbs.....but I know I need about 15 more lbs to shed...especially after feasting on the Holiday treats and yummy goodness this past season.  Well...I'm on day 2 of this Hell Diet.....it doesn't matter if you want to lose 5, 15 or 40 lbs....the protocol is the same.....and this time around after the holidays....I'm seriously suffering from HEADACHES.  From what I've been told...this is quite normal....but it seriously strikes a chord when you read that the Body goes into carb withdrawals because it has become acclimated to consuming Bad Carbohydrates for Energy (all those cupcakes filled w/ cheesecake, cookies, cinnamon rolls...hawaiian sweet rolls...you get the point!)  From what I've read....My Body has been so use to eating so much yummy Carb-Ohs...that now that I'm attempting to go cold-turkey and start eating healthy....My body is physically having withdrawals.  I'm so irritable right now (don't even try to talk to me)....and being on a restricted diet, I have cravings, I have some hunger pains...and I'm seriously looking at our cats differently (Just a joke people....I know..that's just sick isn't it...Jason cracks up thinking one day he will come home and we've lost a pet).

SNICKERS our Siamese and Domino the Beef/Cow looking Cat

 I've told Jason that I seriously want to quit after the 1st day of this restricted diet...and I want so bad to be happy and eat whatever I want to.....and that if HE IS NOT HAPPY WITH THE WAY I LOOK....then he isn't happy that I'm his wife (Get the song choice on my playlist?).  Yes I said it...but of course Jason is just laughing about it...he's not taking me seriously....with this self-inflicted torture of Dieting. I'm speaking from dieting delirium right now....I know that if I truly stick with it honestly (like I did the first time last year), in the end I will be a lot healthier. I need to start thinking of this diet as a MOCK Emergency Preparedness for FAMINE. If I was only given so much food to eat...would I survive?  Probably..... Seriously though....once these headaches go away...it will be much easier.  Forgive me if you run into me sometime this week and I'm a little snippy....It's because I'm hungry...so watch out I might bite your finger off.  Anyway....If food hasn't been so easily accessible/available, plentiful, delicious, and a HUGE part of social customs, we wouldn't be so concerned about our waistlines.  Time to lifestyle change again and go back to learning how to eat sparingly. I have 22 more days to go...so wish me luck!